Right now I'm watching an old episode of 19 kids and counting - the one right after Josie is born at 25ish weeks. I've just realized that she is the size that my Amelia is now. And that if Amelia were to be born today, she'd be this size. This small, this helpless, this fragile. Fragile takes on a whole new meaning when you look at a baby that small.

Today I had a prenatal appointment and got to hear Amelia's heartbeat. It sounded so strong and so perfect. Like always, she protested the doppler. She really doesn't like it AT ALL. Poor kid. But she settled in after a minute and let us listen to her. She's strong, and healthy, and perfect.

To think that she could be born right now and survive is amazing. To think that she is capable of living outside of me is just astonishing. On the other hand, looking at how tiny she would be/is - I'm equally astonished. That she could be so small and still look like a person. With fingers and eyelashes and everything. I'm amazed. Really amazed.

Perfect Snow

At the end of the day, snow is falling very slowly past a streetlamp outside my kitchen window.

For about 45 minutes, we thought we'd been stood up for Thanksgiving. We started the day slowly; thanks to HHBC we didn't have much cleaning to do to get the place ready for company. Around noon I started cooking, slowly, and thawing some of the frozen goodies I'd set aside for today. Dinner was supposed to be at 4, and by 4:30 no one was here.

Last year, we had 5 friends over, and some of them brought guests. Nice and busy, but not too crowded. We really couldn't have handled too many more people without some uncomfortable chaos. This year, we didn't put the word out very early, and the roads have been horrible (like, record setting dangerous) so we weren't expecting a huge crowd, and we weren't sure how many people were going to try and venture out.

3 minutes before we were going to start calling people, friends came. Just two this year, and it was, again, perfect. With our little one being so active and interested (in EVERYthing), a bigger crowd would have been really hard to handle.

At the end of the day, I have a full belly, a warmed heart, an exhausted and sleeping baby, and a slightly buzzed husband. I'm sitting here not wanting to go to sleep simply because I'm not ready to let go of such a wonderful day. I'm not ready for it to end, so I'm staying awake.



I think I've had a revelation since I've been sitting here. Part of why my marriage has changed is because we no longer drink very often. We were never big drinkers, we didn't drink much or often, but we became accustomed to wine with certain meals and beer with certain others. So, maybe 5-6 times per month we'd have alcohol with dinner. We both get a little warm and touchy after a drink or two and wind up cuddling on the couch. I think once I got pregnant and that alcohol consumption decreased, our innocent touching decreased as well. Not intentionally, not purposefully, but I believe it did. Tonight as we cuddled on the couch I suddenly remembered how wonderful that used to be. I suppose I know what we're going to start working on! That physical intimacy is harder to come by with a toddler running around, but it's very important to maintaining a relationship.

Yes, I'll have to talk to the hubby about this tomorrow. Maybe we'll start some after baby bedtime regular activity so we can get this touching in more frequently. Yes, definitely.

Funny, my bible doesn't say that. . .

A friend from long ago posted a scripture as her facebook status yesterday:

"Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones;a spanking won’t kill them. http://read.ly/Prov23.13.MSG"

Funny, my bible doesn't say that. In my NIV, Proverbs 23:13 reads "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die."

Proverbs, a book of POETRY, written for young men, was never intended to be either a book of promises or law. As poetry, it is full of metaphors and symbols meant to help the reader bring his knowledge forth into wisdom. [Knowledge is the possession of facts, wisdom is the application of those facts.] Learning how to apply the rules of the law to your life is an art, and one that takes much practice and patience. Nowhere in Proverbs does the author use a word referencing children under 13(ish). Then there's the whole discussion of the rod - that one's been beaten almost to death I think (ha ha). But at the very least, if you are taking Proverbs literally, how would spanking your toddler with your hand on their butt be the same as using a staff across the back of a young teen? It isn't.

Also, let's look at Proverbs more closely. If we're taking individual Proverbs about 'fools' and 'folly' (which some have applied to children and their childishness) and trying to apply them to our lives, let's look at two right next to each other. Proverbs 26:4-5.

Proverbs 26:4 "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself."
Proverbs 26:5 "Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes."

How could both answer and not answer a fool according to his folly? Would it depend on the situation? Would carrying out these instructions involve wisdom and discernment and an understanding of the situation and players involved? If a tired toddler has a meltdown, is the wiser approach to punish her or to get her the rest she needs? Do you need to engage in your own antics to prove your authority, or, as her parent, do you need to help her learn to care for herself and help her learn how to deal with her frustrations? You won't always be there to threaten punishment when she has to make a difficult decision. Your child needs to learn how to evaluate a situation and address the true problem - not just the obvious symptom. Taking an aspirin to cure a headache does nothing to address the dehydration that caused it in the first place. Many situations will arise for your child that need to be addressed in the same way. She will need to understand that in order to have a productive relationship with her husband or cow0rkers or children, she needs to eat well, get rest, and practice the Gospel daily. Threats of punishment don't teach any of those things. Proverbs 26:4 & 5 are trying to tell you to evaluation a situation and address the root cause. Whether you engage with the fool or not depends on the folly and the fool. Babies don't always get what they want, but sometimes what they want is a little joy to relive boredom. Or help getting to sleep. And those things, those things you can engage with. If you learn to listen to your children and understand what they're asking you for.

And clearly, as Godly parents, wouldn't we have higher expectations than simple survival for our children? Is my only responsibility to keep them still breathing when they turn 18? Seriously? I don't think so. Setting your bar for success at 'breathing and obedient' isn't doing anybody any favors. It's just allowing you to be lazy.


But, all of that doesn't fit in a FB comment to a status update. And it would only provoke heat in a discussion that has far too much already. I'll just continue raising my children with gentleness, love, and WISDOM; everyone else will do as they see fit.

Here's a quick outline

Since I left a link to this blog on a forum I really enjoy, I thought I'd post a little recap for anyone who's taken the effort to click the link.

So. I live in Fairbanks, Alaska. I moved here with my husband in June of 2009. My daughter was born in August of that year. This year, we found out that I'm pregnant with number 2! She is due to appear in March.

In February, my husband (who is a graduate creative writing student at the University of Alaska Fairbanks) has a HUGE comprehensive test. How he does on that test determines whether or not he stays in the program (and thus whether or not we made a ginormous mistake moving up here). Yep, I'm due to have our baby a few weeks later. Our older daughter will be 18 months old.

Phew. This is going to be a rough winter. Basically, we only get a few hours of twilight per day right now, and although that will start changing after the winter solstice, we will still be seeing a lot of dark when the babe is born. Husband will be busy, I'll be chasing a toddler, baby #2 will be trying to burst forth through my tightly stretched skin, and we won't even have sunlight to help our moods. Luckily, God will be even there.

If that sounds like a fun ride to read about, then stay tuned. I'll likely be posting more as I'm able to spend less time outside. 40 degrees below zero (Fahrenheit) is a great temperature for blogging.

hhbc

I've been working on my house lately. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean.

And it looks great! Plus, Nanook is learning how to play by herself (at my feet) while I do dishes - added bonus. I was prepared to carry her in the Ergo, but I'm glad I don't have to.

The girls' first fight

Tonight as I was rocking Adelaide to sleep, Amelia staged a protest. Addie would relax, and then Amelia would kick. Amelia was kicking up into the top of my stomach and was connecting to where Adelaide's stomach rested on mine. So Amelia would kick, Adelaide would startle and throw out her arms and legs, then Adelaide would settle back in for a while only to have Amelia kick her again.

Ladies, oh ladies - this is the first step down a very long, hard road.

Beautiful :)

Sitting here sipping hot chocolate, watching kids and their dad on the sledding hill. I can hear Nanook snoring over the monitor, my bathroom is clean, my kitchen floor is clean, my upstairs is all clean (!!!), and my husband will be home any minute.

Sometimes life is really good.

cause for joy

126 videos that I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to get off my camera are finally on my computer. PTL! I am so excited!

*happy dance*

You Tell Me

I make a statement about my commitment to be a gentle, non-spanking parent/family or to never let my daughter cry, alone, to sleep.

You say "Just wait - once baby #2 comes along you'll change your mind."
Or "Once you get tired of being a martyr you'll be singing a different tune."

Shouldn't I be able to depend on my sisters in Christ for support in my morals and ideals? Shouldn't a friend be someone that will help me when I'm struggling? Help me to do the right thing not to give in to an easier, more tempting option?

The ideals I hold to may be different than yours, but they do not in any way conflict with the bible. So how could you NOT help me? Is it because you don't want to see me struggle? Because you don't want to see me work hard for something that is more than adequate? Would it be better for me to try less, work less hard, and achieve only an average or minimal goal?

From my perspective, giving in isn't minimal - it's far less than enough. Letting my daughter cry it out tonight would be an affront to the way I want to parent. Doing something that I KNOW jeopardizes her brain chemistry and future sleep patterns because I don't feel like working hard is not good enough. It's not ok. My bar is set much, much higher.

I don't think I'm better than you. I don't think that you're failing. I think we've committed to different ideals. Obviously, I think my ideals are, well, ideal. Why would I (we) have chosen and committed to them if I thought there was a better option? Most parents want to take care of their children according to the best way they know. Not many people begin with a lesser goal.

And accepting failure isn't OK. Maybe that's my real problem. I suppose I'm just more stubborn than most. I'm going to work harder, and persevere longer. I just will. Again, not because I'm better than you, but because it's who I am. I have come a long, long way. And I do not plan on forgetting all that I've learned.

Attachment matters. Attachment to people, to ideals and goals, to relationships and to your commitments. I've committed to this child, and to my ideals as a parent, and I could no sooner abandon my intentions to do my best than I could my daughter herself. I've grown attached to her, and I've grown attached to doing what's best for her. Including the hard things.

Breastfeeding wasn't easy. It was never easy. But I wouldn't just stop. I wouldn't just shrug my shoulders and give her something I know will put her at so many more risks. I worked. I researched. I studied. I networked. I asked around. And I found what I needed. And I fed my daughter.

Her sleep will be handled no differently. Had I listened to you when you first started telling me about letting her cry at night she'd probably still be experiencing miserable pain all night. I wouldn't have known to take her off dairy because I wouldn't have known what was happening with her. I couldn't have known what she was going through without staying up with her, focusing on her, listening to her. I couldn't have known that she had so much tummy pain if I hadn't been lying with her night after night watching her move and struggle.

Had I not addressed the underlying cause she would be at risk for serious problems later in life. Not to mention misery every single night even now.

No, I don't think the easier way is the better way. I don't think that doing less is justified by more responsibility. I don't agree that any parent who's been a parent longer than I or to more children than I inherently knows what's better. For my family or for any family.

So please, just support me. If you can't do that, say nothing at all. But don't undermine me. That does not sound Christ-like to me.