Friday, April 23, 2010


WHY do you insist on telling me about the bridal shower you threw for my brother's fiancee when you KNOW that you refused to even HELP me have a shower when I got married? Why do you think that's ok? Why do you insist on telling me how much fun you're having planning her wedding when you refused to even come to mine?

Why do I torture myself by looking at her pictures?

I'm glad that my future sister in law gets along with her soon to be mother in law. I'm glad that my little brother isn't experiencing the pain and frustration that I did. But part of me wants to warn her. You two aren't going to be nice forever. You aren't going to maintain this facade.

Yes, people can change. Sometimes they do. It's possible you have. But the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior and with the exception of the last 7 months, you've been horrible for the last 20 years. That's a lot of history and habit to overcome.

All my cousins and family should have come to celebrate with me, the ladies at church should have come to my bridal shower. They were my friends. Instead, I gave up any semblance of normal celebration and eloped. You wouldn't let me have even a wedding day.

I knew once Mimi was gone life was going to change. I knew without my mediator, my ally, that I could never have a happy wedding day or birth a baby without your narcissism. I don't believe that I'm being selfish by wanting those things. Those things and feelings are normal. Being wretched to your daughter is not.

I miss my Mimi. Happy birthday Mimi! If you were alive, I would never forget your birthday. I'd be sending you postcards and pictures from Alaska. Judging by how excited you were to come see me graduate from AmeriCorps in Colorado, I bet you'd have come to see me have a baby in Alaska. I bet you'd have come to my wedding and helped me celebrate my engagement. I know you'd have continued to love me the way my mother never will.

Oh Mimi, I miss you. You'd love my sweet Adelaide. She's beautiful and sweet and busy! and passionate. She's going to be somebody who lives life in a big way. You'd be so proud of how much she's learned and how big and fast she's growing. She'd love playing with your rings and necklaces. She'd love your sweatshirts and brightly colored fingernails. She might even love being held by you as much as I always did.

I miss you Mimi. Happy birthday.


Georganne/1stimestar said...

I'm so sorry. You deserved a wedding day. Your friends and family deserved to share in the excitment. Sometimes things we are given just suck. My thoughts are with you.

nanookmama said...

Thank you. I know there's nothing I can do about the actions of other people, but every once in a while I'm struck by people and their decisions. Oh well.

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